A Totally Subjective and Somewhat Kayfabe 2018 Royal Rumble Ranking (Part One)

Year in and year out, WWE gives diehard and casual wrestling fans alike an opportunity to enjoy the greatest match in entertainment: the Royal Rumble. In terms of pure fun, nothing tops the Rumble, but for the past 29 years, fans have had to find a way to sort through the possible winners and losers of this iconic match. This year, though, that task is more difficult than ever. With the addition of the first ever Women’s Rumble match, there are now double the number of competitors to worry about. These rankings are meant to give you an idea of who has a shot to book their trip to Wrestlemania, and why they have a chance. As the title says, these rankings are entirely based on opinion, as well as being at least partially kayfabe friendly. The first part of these rankings focuses on everything to do with the major threats in the inaugural Women’s Royal Rumble. We’ll look at their chances, their history, their possible futures, and even some t-shirt designs—nothing is off limits. Let’s get ready to rumble.

Tier 3: “No chance…No chance in Hell”

10. Natalya

Wrestling’s resident crazy cat-lady won’t be at the top of many people’s Rumble leaderboard, but she has to be considered at least a dark horse. After all, Nattie had a pretty great 2017 by her standards. She took down Nikki Bella in a phenomenal Falls Count Anywhere match, she became the Smackdown women’s champion at Summerslam, she led her own faction (don’t laugh—the Welcoming Committee technically counts), and she even got her own ugly WWE authentic t-shirt. That being said, it probably wouldn’t be wise to bet any money on the Queen of Black Harts. Her place on Smackdown is getting less important by the week, as new contenders like Becky Lynch and Ruby Riott set their sights on Charlotte’s Women’s Title.

Threat Level: Ellsworth

9. Naomi

Another lady with an outside chance of winning the inaugural women’s Rumble is Naomi. Despite losing at Summerslam, Naomi is still a fairly important part of the Smackdown women’s scene. She ably stepped up to help Charlotte while the other half of Tea-Generation X, Becky Lynch, missed time recovering from the Riott Squad’s sneak attack. On the other hand, Naomi is definitely a step down on the Smackdown ladder, and doesn’t really seem like a priority for anybody right now. Outside of filling out six-lady tag matches, Naomi hasn’t really had a lot at stake lately. That could change quickly at the Rumble, but don’t be surprised if the Rumble ends without much glow.

Threat Level: Zack Ryder in a “Full Head of Hair” Competition

Tier 2: The Pretenders

8. Sasha Banks

This is where it starts getting interesting. The Boss has made a lot of history in WWE over the past few years, and whoever wins this match will be the star of highlight reels for the next 25 years. Banks has definitely had her share of those moments. She defeated Charlotte Flair to win the title in one of the first Raw women’s main events, she was one of the first women to ever headline a WWE PPV, and she participated in the first ever women’s Hell In A Cell match. She is clearly somebody that can thrive in this type of moment, but, based off her recent action on Raw, she doesn’t seem likely to be the star of this moment. Since losing the title back to Alexa Bliss, Banks has been more Naomi than Asuka. It doesn’t seem as if she is being built towards such an iconic moment, but her pedigree and history mean that the Boss is never far from the action—don’t count her out.

Threat Level: Bray Wyatt at an interview for an Accounting Job

7. Carmella

The first real surprise: Carmella is ranked one spot above the four-time Women’s Champion Sasha Banks. In fact, she is ranked ahead of three women who have all held their brand’s Women’s Title within the past year. What gives Carmella a better shot than those former champions? It’s simple. Carmella is the owner of the Money in the Bank briefcase, which outside of the titles themselves, is just about the most important thing you can carry to the ring. Even when she’s doing nothing, that briefcase makes Carmella a factor in every Women’s division angle. She has to be considered a major player in this match. Few people gave her a chance to walk out of St. Louis with the first ever Women’s MITB briefcase, and even fewer will give her a chance to leave Philadelphia with a ticket to Wrestlemania. Ellsworth or no Ellsworth, Carmella is a threat whenever she is involved. Some people might look at the briefcase as the thing holding her back from victory, but it may just be the thing that allows her to walk out of Wrestlemania as a double Women’s Champion. Too far-fetched? Let’s just move on.

Threat level: You have an iPhone with a low battery, but you’re pretty sure your friend only has an Android charger

6. Lita

While not officially announced for the match, it would be a real shock if one of the most important stars in the history of women’s wrestling history didn’t make an appearance. It might seem like she doesn’t have much chance to win, but don’t forget that this is the woman who spent years Swanton-Bombing anything in sight. Those top-ropes moves are risky in a situation like the Rumble, but don’t worry—she also has the Twist of Fate and the coolest cargo pants in the business. Win-win…win.

Threat Level: Ron Swanson in the presence of a vegan

5. Nia Jax

The muscle of Team Rude, Jax might just be the most physically dominating woman on the roster. Jax has been kicking it into a new gear lately, and it will be beyond difficult for any single woman to get her over the top rope. Barring any situation where all the women team up to eliminate her, she should be safe.

Threat Level: The loan sharks from the movie Armageddon

4. Trish Stratus

Stratus was all geared up to return for a match against Asuka in 2016, so a return to the ring at Wrestlemania is not out of the question. Alexa Bliss has gone on-record to say that her all-time opponent would be Trish Stratus, and Charlotte vs Trish would be a Wrestlemania main event level match. Worst case scenario: Trish and Lita and Mickey James have an amazing stare down in the middle of the ring before hitting a bunch of finishers while the whole world melts down around them.

Threat Level: Jason Jordan when somebody insults Kurt Angle

Tier 1: Wrestlemania Ready

3. Becky Lynch

We have arrived at the cream of the crop. The true threats. The blue chippers, and nobody is bluer than the first Smackdown women’s champion, Becky Lynch. Ever since her return to the blue brand the Lass-Kicker has been kicking Lass left and right. She’s on a tear to get back to the top of the brand, and winning the Rumble is the fastest way to do it. Much like Sasha Banks, Lynch has been the star of several groundbreaking moments for women’s wrestling. However, she has never had that one moment that puts her on top of the mountain. Sunday in Philly, she will have the opportunity to get there. Is it too much to hope for 29 Bex-ploder suplexes right over the top rope? A Wrestlemania 34 match between Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch has the makings of an all-time feud built around two veteran wrestlers who won’t settle for anything less than tearing the house down and stealing the show.

Threat Level: Yogi Bear when he finds a picnic basket in the woods

2. Asuka

Since arriving in WWE, Asuka has never been pinned and she has never been submitted. Her run through NXT was legendary, and since arriving on Raw she has been a powerhouse. In just a few months she has run roughshod all over the roster, even pinning little Miss Bliss. Of the announced competitors, she has to be the odds-on favorite. If Nia Jax is the most physically dominating woman on the roster, then Asuka is just the most dominating, period.

Threat Level: Braun Strowman when somebody thinks he’s finished with them

1. Ronda Rousey

For months and months, Rousey has been the subject of rumors involving a possible run in WWE. The single most iconic woman in the history of combat sports is a perfect fit for WWE, and there is no better time to make a debut than the Royal Rumble. Rousey and WWE have both been teasing this union on a totally new level lately, and Sunday is where all the questions become answers. For the past few years WWE has been trying to change the landscape of women’s wrestling, and Becky Lynch, Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks, and Alexa Bliss have all been the bulldozers. Ronda Rousey is not a bulldozer, though—she is a nuclear warhead and she is primed to alter that landscape entirely. When Joan Jett’s “Bad Reputation” hits the PA system on Sunday, the history of Women’s wrestling will change forever. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Threat Level: Midnight